I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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