She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
