im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
