I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
