dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
