Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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