I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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