Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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