So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
