There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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