things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
