I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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