dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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