maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
