this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
be right there i have to get my cape
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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