You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
