watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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