I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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