I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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