When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
