The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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