I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
