drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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