matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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