"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
