Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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