dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
