i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
