either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
