dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
