Screwed.edu
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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