ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
