I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I intend to get homeless drunk
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
