Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
