I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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