Your face is a jimmy john
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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