his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
