So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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