she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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