You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
