Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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