"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think my moral compass just broke
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
