I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
