You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
farters have to be the big spoon...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
