i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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