I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
