a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
