i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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