thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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