I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
