i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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