Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
