I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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