you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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