You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
