honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
