so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
