the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
