i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
