i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
