No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
