So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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