do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
