im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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