remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
