I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
