surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
