Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
