I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
