Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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