i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
