And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
