If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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