i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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